How Grief and Tragedy Fueled My Burnout in Healthcare
Three years ago, I was already teetering on the edge of burnout—about to plummet over.
There’s a part of my burnout story I rarely share in my keynotes or even here on the blog:
Death. And grief.
Because sometimes burnout doesn’t just come from long hours, overwhelming demands, or unsupportive leaders. Sometimes, it’s triggered by moments so heartbreaking that they leave a permanent mark on your soul.
One of those moments for me came the day a longtime friend died during childbirth.
The Day Everything Shattered
She died in my hospital. My coworkers responded.
I watched them rush her gurney down the hall, performing CPR, wheeling her back to the OR—just minutes after she delivered a perfectly healthy baby.
Massive blood clots had ravaged her lungs.
I stood in her room with her husband and mom as the neurologist pronounced her brain dead. And I prayed the worst prayer I’ve ever prayed—angry, confused, tear-soaked words spilling out of my heart and mouth.
A beautiful soul, gone just hours after what should have been one of her happiest moments.
The Tornado That Swept Through Our Hospital
During her eulogy, I said:
“Last Friday and Saturday, Bre tore through our hospital like a tornado.”
Because when a young mom starts in the Family Birthing Center…
Moves to the OR…
Then the ICU…
Codes…
Goes back to the OR for ECMO…
Ends up in the Heart Institute…
And the neuro team finally has to declare her death…
Half the hospital meets her.
Half the hospital cares for her, works for her, roots for her—
…and cries for her when she’s gone.
Personal Loss Meets Professional Pressure
Bre wasn’t just a patient. Kristen and I first loved her when she was in our fourth-grade Sunday school class.
I officiated her funeral.
I stood at her graveside.
I recited Psalm 56:8 as we cast flowers onto her casket:
“You, O Lord, keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
Grief does something strange when a young, healthy friend dies suddenly… and leaves behind a husband and a newborn.
It turns your heart inside out.
When Grief and Burnout Collide
In my decade in healthcare leadership, I stood by the bedsides of hundreds of patients, and I saw more than 15,000 deaths across our hospital system.
But this day broke me.
And here’s the truth I wish more healthcare leaders would talk about:
Burnout isn’t just about workload or leadership gaps or organizational culture.
Sometimes, it’s also about the emotional weight of healthcare—the grief, the trauma, and the relentless exposure to life-and-death moments.
For me, Bre’s death didn’t just break my heart.
It pushed me further down the road to burnout.
Why This Matters for Healthcare Professionals
If you’ve been there, you know:
Witnessing patient deaths takes a toll.
Supporting families through tragedy takes a toll.
Carrying grief into your next shift takes a toll.
This is why conversations about burnout in healthcare can’t just be about schedules, budgets, or policies. They have to include grief, compassion fatigue, and the human cost of this work.
I’m still sad.
I’m still angry that she died.
And yes, that day left a permanent mark on me—one I carry into every keynote, every coaching conversation, every moment I talk about healing from burnout.
Because until we acknowledge the emotional weight healthcare workers carry, we’re missing half the story.
If You’re Carrying Grief and Burnout
If you’ve ever lost a patient, a coworker, or a friend in the workplace… please know this:
You are not alone.
Your grief is valid.
Burnout isn’t a personal failure—it’s a natural response to impossible demands and impossible losses.
Your story matters. And healing is possible.
