Mental Health Awareness, Depression, and the Little Dictator

One thing people don't tell you about depression is how it shows up PHYSICALLY.

I always imagined that it was overwhelmingly MENTAL.

Then, at age 44, I was burned out and depressed for the first time in my life.

🛋️I could barely get off the couch.

I specifically remember one example. Family came to town for a visit, and for an hours-long stretch, I hid away in my bedroom--covers over my head.

I had never experienced anything like it--even when I was very sick as a child.

But it didn't stop there. My brain started heaping up shame.
"You should get up and visit."
"You should be more engaged at work."
"You should do more around the house.

👺The not-so-subtle message from my inner critic was "if you can't do anything worthwhile, then YOU are not worthwhile."

👿The little dictator still sings the same song sometimes.

😵‍💫This is the depression spiral.
Fatigue, lack of energy, and lack of motivation dig the hole... then shame, fear, and worry push you into the open pit... and the viscous cycle of their synergy shovels the dirt over you in heavy doses.

I wish I could tell you exactly what it takes to recover. That's not the purpose of this post. But I will tell you some of the things I needed.
-Medication
-Friends and family support
-Renegotiation of priorities and expectations
-New physical health interventions
-Reduced intensity (not necessarily less work--just less focus and intensity)

This Mental Health Month, if you are feeling this way, you are not alone.