Third step to support a griever: Sit down

The most ancient part of the Hebrew scripture focuses on death, dying, and grief.

The book of Job (pronounced with a long “o”).

Job’s family and friends all died--in one day. He lost everything except for his wife and a few friends.

Our story picks up when the friends come to visit Job.

They did five things right.

They:

• Made a plan

• Went to see Job

• Sat down

• Were silent, and

• Wept out loud

In this email, let’s consider their third right move.

They sat down.

In a 2011 study, the University of Kansas Nursing Department discovered the following:

Patients perceived the provider [the doctor] as being present at their bedside longer when he sat. Even though the actual time the physician spent at the bedside did not change significantly whether he sat or stood. Patients with whom the physician sat reported a more positive interaction and a better understanding of their condition.

All of our chaplains visit a lot of patients at our large hospitals. But some time ago, one stood out among the others. He was regularly visiting 80, even 90 patients in an 8-hour shift. To be fair, he usually worked what we call the “rounding shift” where seeing patient after patient is the focus. But no one came close to his numbers.

I became concerned. Success in caring for the spiritual needs of the sick is not measured by the speed at which it is accomplished.

So, I asked him. “John, tell me about your visits when you are on the rounding shift.”

“I go in. I sanitize my hands. I introduce myself. I ask if I can sit down. If they say yes, I pull the chair up close to the side of the bed. I look them in the eyes and listen for a little while. I ask if they need prayer. I wish them well. I sanitize my hands again, and I head to the next room.”

Perfect. Although looking at his numbers, I was concerned, I guarantee the patients didn’t feel rushed when this compassionate, older man sat and looked into their eyes.

And, to be overly practical, it has a lot to do with sitting down.

Eliphaz and Job’s other two friends must have referenced the University of Kansas study. Or else, they must have intuitively been able to feel that since Job was in such rough shape, they needed to sit with him—literally.

So support a griever, sit down with them-literally.