What NOT to say to a griever (Tip #1)

What is the most common hurtful cliche said to people in grief? So famous that Kate Bowler wrote a book about it? 

“Everything Happens for a Reason”

Now, I’ve said it before, too. 
Don’t feel ashamed. 

But put yourself in their shoes. 

If a woman’s baby just died, how is she supposed to respond if you walk in, smile, and say “I know this is hard, but it’ll be okay. After all, everything happens for a reason”? 

You are saying “There’s a good reason for your baby’s death.” 
That belittles her sense of loss. 

Even if you believe this, STOP saying it today!

In fact, you should say the opposite. 

• This doesn’t make any sense, I am so sorry.

• I sure wish this hadn’t happened to you. 

• You don’t deserve this.

Stop saying Everything Happens for a Reason. 
Some things are senseless and unREASONable. 
And it’s okay to admit that, especially when you are talking with a person in grief.