What to say to a Griever

 Tip #1

1. Say "I’m sorry Stephen died."

This short statement has three positives. 

1. It acknowledges what happened. It wasn’t just a “loss” or “hard time.” Someone died. And nothing compares to that.

2. This phrase names the deceased. When a person dies, their name vacates our vocabulary. Never again will we say, “Stephen called yesterday,” or “I’m making dinner when Stephen gets home,” or “Stephen, can you please take your laundry upstairs.” Because of this, people who loved Stephen feel an ache. 
Their hearts can feel the discontinued use of his name. 
When you say their name out loud in this phrase, “I’m sorry died”, you honor their life.

3. This phrase communicates that you are also sad this happened. Not in the same way as those closest to him, but in a parallel way. 

It communicates that you wish he hadn’t died. 

That wish is at the core of their experience of grief, and they will appreciate hearing you identify it.

Say, “I’m sorry died.”