What TO Say (Tip #8)
#8. Say, "I have time."
If you support a person in grief, they might be scared to burden you with their thoughts and feelings.
I didn’t do it on purpose, but earlier this week, I told three people in one day that if they wanted to talk that I had time.
One was saying goodbye to his mother in an ICU room.
Another was in a surgery waiting area for his spouse.
And the third was just having a down morning.
One of the three took me up on the offer. When we talked on the phone later about another topic, I circled back around and asked how he was doing.
Because I said "I have time", he shared more than he would have otherwise.
Obviously, you have to mean it.
You have to actually have time or be willing to make the time.
If you can’t, that’s ok. In that case, try, “This is really important. I really want to hear about how you are doing. Can we talk on Tuesday afternoon? I’ll clear my schedule and make sure I give you all the time you need to talk about Stephen.”
Some of the phrases in the first list of what NOT to say roll off the tongue more easily than the phrases in the second list.
They are, after all, clichés.
That means that we need to practice more helpful phrases. Please do that now.
I’m sorry Stephen died
I don’t fully understand, but I think God does
This feels wrong because it is wrong
What you are feeling is normal
This person will always be a part of your life
I’m with you
You have options
I have time
These will become more natural for you as time goes on, and you will become more helpful to a grieving friend.
