When Workplace Frustration is Killing You

Introduction: The Emotional Toll of Workplace Frustration

I see it all the time with my coaching clients—dedicated, high-performing professionals who feel like they’re drowning in frustration.

Their internal dialogue sounds like this:
👉 “People just don’t get it.”
👉 “They’re not doing things the right way.”
👉 “This place doesn’t share my values.”
👉 “Everything is broken, and no one seems to care.”

And you know what? They’re not wrong. Many workplaces are dysfunctional. Many leaders make poor decisions. Many organizations struggle to live out their values.

But here’s the hard truth: If you don’t dial down this inner dialogue, it will break you.

I know because I lived this firsthand. During the last two years I worked in healthcare, my frustration was so overwhelming that it was killing me. And it’s hurting my coaching clients, too.

Why This Type of Frustration is Dangerous

We think that stewing in frustration is just part of the job. But in reality, it’s a direct path to burnout. Here’s why:

1. It Keeps You in a State of Stress
   Constantly focusing on what’s wrong keeps your nervous system on high alert. Over time, this drains your energy and leads to exhaustion.
   
   

2. It Creates a Sense of Powerlessness
   The more you dwell on things outside your control, the more hopeless you feel. This is a key contributor to burnout.
   
   

3. It Damages Your Health
   Chronic stress leads to real physical symptoms—headaches, digestive issues, sleep problems, and even increased risk of heart disease.
   
   

4. It Doesn’t Actually Change Anything
   Let’s be honest: replaying workplace frustrations in your head doesn’t fix them. It just makes you suffer more.
   
   

How to Break Free From Workplace Frustration

So, what can you do? How do you stop frustration from ruining your mental health without becoming apathetic?

Here are the strategies I use with my coaching clients:

1. Identify What You Can and Can’t Control

Frustration thrives when we focus on things we wish we could change but have no power over. Instead of trying to fix the entire system, shift your energy to what you can influence.

🔹 Can’t control? Leadership decisions, company policies, other people’s values.
🔹 Can control? How you show up, your boundaries, how you communicate concerns.

2. Dial Down the Internal Commentary

Your thoughts shape your reality. If you constantly reinforce how frustrating your workplace is, it will feel even worse. Instead, reframe your mindset:

❌ “This place is broken.” → ✅ “I can do good work despite the challenges.”
❌ “No one cares about values here.” → ✅ “I can live out my values no matter what.”

This isn’t toxic positivity—it’s reclaiming control over your mindset.

3. Build a Healthy Detachment

If your workplace is dysfunctional, you need to protect yourself emotionally. This doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop letting it consume you.

🔹 Set mental boundaries: “I will give my best effort at work, but I won’t carry its dysfunction home.”
🔹 Find an outlet: Talk to a mentor, coach, or therapist about your frustrations so they don’t fester.
🔹 Consider an exit strategy: If your job is truly toxic, start planning your next move.

4. Focus on Meaningful Work

Burnout is often the result of caring deeply in a system that doesn’t seem to care back. Instead of focusing on everything that’s wrong, redirect your energy to work that matters.

🔹 Who are you helping?
🔹 What impact do you make?
🔹 Where can you find fulfillment despite the challenges?

For me, that shift in focus helped me survive my last two years in healthcare. I stopped obsessing over the system and started focusing on the individuals I could help.

Final Thoughts: Don’t Let Frustration Break You

It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s normal to feel disillusioned. But if you let workplace frustration consume you, it will destroy your health, happiness, and career.

The key is not eliminating frustration—it’s managing it so it doesn’t manage you.

If this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. And if you need support, check out the burnout recovery resources at the top of this page.

The Power of Asking Employees ‘Someday I Want To…’

Introduction: Helping Employees See Their Own Future

One of the most effective yet underused leadership tools isn’t a performance review metric or a new engagement strategy. It’s a simple question:

“Someday I want to __________.”

I used to ask my direct reports to come to their annual performance appraisals prepared to complete that sentence three times. Their answers could be personal or professional, big or small.

• “Someday I want to write a book.”

• “Someday I want to run a marathon.”

• “Someday I want to lead a team.”

Some dreams were career-focused, others deeply personal. But every answer gave insight into what mattered to them as a person. And that changed everything.

Why This Question Energizes Employees

Most performance reviews focus on what the company wants from employees. This exercise flips that. It asks, “What do you want for yourself?”

Here’s why this question works:

1. It Gives Employees Permission to Dream
   Too often, people are so focused on day-to-day survival that they stop thinking about the future. This question invites them to step back and think bigger.

2. It Builds Trust Between Leader and Employee
   When leaders show genuine interest in an employee’s goals—beyond just their productivity—it creates connection and loyalty.

3. It Creates Opportunities for Collaboration
   Once I knew what my employees wanted, I could help. Sometimes it was a simple introduction to a mentor. Other times, it was finding ways to incorporate their goals into their current role.

And every time, it sent a clear message: I care about you as a whole person, not just as an employee.

The Follow-Up Question That Moves the Needle

After they shared their three “Someday I want to…” statements, I’d always ask:

“What’s the very next step to accomplish this goal?”

This is where the magic happens. A vague dream becomes a concrete plan. And when employees take even the smallest step toward a goal, their energy and engagement skyrocket.

How This Increases Retention and Engagement

Here’s what most leaders get wrong: Employees don’t leave just for better pay. They leave when they stop seeing a future for themselves in an organization.

By helping employees articulate their goals—and actively supporting them—you create an environment where they want to stay. They see their job not just as a paycheck, but as a stepping stone to a bigger vision for their life.

How to Implement This in Your Workplace

This exercise works in annual reviews, one-on-one meetings, or even casual conversations. Here’s how you can try it:

1. Ask your team members to complete the sentence: “Someday I want to…” three times.

2. Encourage a mix of personal and professional goals.

3. Follow up with: “What’s the very next step?”

4. Look for ways to support them. Even small efforts—like connecting them with a resource or simply encouraging them—can make a huge impact.

Final Thoughts: The Small Question That Makes a Big Impact

As leaders, we have the power to help people see more in themselves than they might see in the moment. We can help them recognize their value, their potential, and their next step forward.

And when employees feel seen and supported, they become more engaged, more committed, and more likely to stay.

Want more insights on burnout prevention and leadership? Explore my resources at the top of this page.

Why Holding Loosely to Your Team Members Actually Increases Retention

Introduction: The Paradox of Employee Retention

Many leaders believe the best way to retain employees is by holding onto them tightly—offering promotions, incentives, and trying to keep them engaged at all costs. But what if the key to long-term commitment isn’t holding on tighter—but rather loosening your grip?

When leaders invest in their people personally, support their goals (even beyond their current role), and create an open-handed culture around career growth, employees actually become less likely to leave.

I’ve lived this firsthand and have seen it time and again with my coaching clients. The leaders who say, “I want to help you grow, even if it means you outgrow this role,” are the ones with the most engaged and committed teams.

Why Holding Tightly Backfires

When leaders try to keep employees locked into their roles, they inadvertently create the conditions for disengagement and turnover:

• Lack of Growth = Frustration – Employees who feel like they’ve hit a ceiling will look elsewhere for growth opportunities.

• Fear of Change Breeds Resentment – If employees sense their boss doesn’t want them to advance beyond their current job, it can create tension and mistrust.

• Micromanagement Kills Buy-In – Employees don’t want to feel owned. They want to feel empowered.

Ironically, the more you try to keep people, the more likely they are to leave.

A Better Approach: Leading with an Open Hand

Here’s what works instead:

1. Invest in Your Team’s Growth—Even If It Takes Them Elsewhere
   Early in my career, I asked my direct reports to complete this sentence three different ways:
   “Someday I want to __________.”
   The answers could be personal or professional, big or small. It helped them articulate their goals and allowed me, as their leader, to help make those things happen.

• Did they want to move into leadership? I connected them with mentors.

• Did they want to develop new skills? I found training opportunities.

• Did they want more flexibility? I explored options to make that happen.

2. Here’s the kicker: because they knew I cared about their whole career—not just their role on my team—they were more invested in the work we were doing together.

3. Help Employees See Their Impact
   One of the greatest gifts a leader can give is helping employees see their own value—sometimes before they recognize it themselves.
   People don’t leave just because another job pays more. They leave when they don’t feel seen, valued, or connected to their work. As a leader, you have the ability to call out their strengths, highlight their impact, and make their contributions visible.

4. Encourage Ownership Over Career Growth
   The best teams are made up of individuals who feel agency over their future. Instead of clinging to your employees, equip them to take ownership of their careers. That might mean:

• Helping them identify their next step

• Providing mentorship and development opportunities

• Supporting their growth, even when it means they might leave someday

The Result: A More Engaged, Loyal Workforce

When employees feel valued, empowered, and invested in, they don’t want to leave. It’s not just about the paycheck—it’s about the connection, the purpose, and the growth they experience in your organization.

Leaders who hold loosely to their team members win in the long run. Because when you create a culture where people feel seen, supported, and free to grow, they want to stay.

Want to build a workplace that retains great people? Explore my burnout and leadership resources at the top of this page.

Bridging the Values Gap Between Organizations and Employees

Introduction: Why ‘Mission-Driven’ Isn’t Enough Anymore

Many organizations proudly call themselves mission-driven. They put their values front and center, expecting employees to align effortlessly. But here’s the reality: personal values don’t always match organizational values. And pretending they do creates a silent but powerful force of disengagement, frustration, and burnout.

The space between what an organization stands for and what its employees believe in is called the values gap. If left unaddressed, this gap can lead to distrust, low morale, and high turnover. However, organizations that actively acknowledge and bridge this gap create deeper trust, engagement, and long-term commitment.

The Hidden Danger of the Values Gap

When employees feel disconnected from their organization’s mission, it manifests in several ways:

• Disengagement: Employees stop going above and beyond. They do the bare minimum because they feel their efforts don’t matter.

• Mistrust: When an organization’s stated values don’t match employees' lived experiences, skepticism grows.

• Burnout: When employees are asked to work against their personal values or constantly compromise their beliefs, stress and exhaustion follow.

• Turnover: People don’t just leave for better pay—they leave when they feel their work doesn’t align with their purpose.

As someone who has navigated burnout firsthand, I know how painful it is to feel out of sync with an organization’s mission. For the last two years I worked in healthcare, I felt this dissonance growing—and it nearly broke me. Many of my coaching clients feel the same today.

The good news? We can address this. But it starts with acknowledging the values gap, not ignoring it.

How Organizations Can Bridge the Values Gap

If leaders want to create lasting engagement, they must shift from assuming alignment to actively fostering it. Here’s how:

1. Make Room for Honest Conversations
   Organizations that pretend everyone is 100% aligned are setting themselves up for failure. Instead, create forums where employees can voice concerns, express misalignments, and discuss how to navigate them.

2. Recognize That Values Can Coexist
   Not every employee will share the same priorities. That’s okay. The goal isn’t uniformity—it’s understanding. Leaders should help employees see where their values do align while also respecting areas of difference.

3. Ensure Leadership Models the Values They Preach
   One of the fastest ways to widen the values gap is for leadership to say one thing and do another. Employees notice inconsistencies, and those inconsistencies create distrust.

4. Connect Employee Contributions to the Bigger Picture
   People need to see how their work matters. Even if they don’t feel a deep connection to the overarching mission, they should understand how their contributions make a tangible difference.

The Takeaway: Talk About the Gap, Don’t Ignore It

The workplace is changing. Employees are demanding alignment between their personal values and their professional lives. Organizations that acknowledge and address the values gap will thrive—those that ignore it will face disengagement, burnout, and turnover.

So let’s stop assuming we’re all on the same page and start having real conversations about what’s on our pages.

Want more strategies on employee engagement and burnout prevention? Explore my resources at the top of this page.

Ensuring Accessibility in Employee Well-Being Programs

Introduction

Accessibility is a critical factor in the success of well-being programs. Ensuring that all employees can easily access these resources is essential for fostering a supportive and inclusive work environment. Here’s how you can make your well-being programs more accessible.

Strategies for Enhancing Accessibility

1. Clear Communication

• Provide clear information about available well-being resources and how to access them.

• Ensure that all communication is easy to understand and accessible.

2. Affordable Options

• Make sure well-being programs are free or affordable for all employees.

• Offer financial assistance for those who need it.

3. Diverse Delivery Formats

• Provide resources and support in multiple formats, including in-person, online, and via mobile apps.

• Ensure that virtual options are as effective and engaging as in-person ones.

4. Inclusive Resources

• Offer resources in multiple languages and formats to accommodate different needs.

• Ensure that facilities are accessible to people with disabilities.

5. Regular Assessment and Improvement

• Collect feedback on the accessibility of well-being programs.

• Continuously make improvements based on employee feedback and needs.

Making well-being programs accessible ensures that all employees can benefit, regardless of their role or location. This inclusivity fosters a healthier, more productive work environment .