How Grief and Tragedy Fueled My Burnout in Healthcare

Three years ago, I was already teetering on the edge of burnout—about to plummet over.

There’s a part of my burnout story I rarely share in my keynotes or even here on the blog:
Death. And grief.

Because sometimes burnout doesn’t just come from long hours, overwhelming demands, or unsupportive leaders. Sometimes, it’s triggered by moments so heartbreaking that they leave a permanent mark on your soul.

One of those moments for me came the day a longtime friend died during childbirth.

The Day Everything Shattered

She died in my hospital. My coworkers responded.

I watched them rush her gurney down the hall, performing CPR, wheeling her back to the OR—just minutes after she delivered a perfectly healthy baby.

Massive blood clots had ravaged her lungs.

I stood in her room with her husband and mom as the neurologist pronounced her brain dead. And I prayed the worst prayer I’ve ever prayed—angry, confused, tear-soaked words spilling out of my heart and mouth.

A beautiful soul, gone just hours after what should have been one of her happiest moments.

The Tornado That Swept Through Our Hospital

During her eulogy, I said:

“Last Friday and Saturday, Bre tore through our hospital like a tornado.”

Because when a young mom starts in the Family Birthing Center…
Moves to the OR…
Then the ICU…
Codes…
Goes back to the OR for ECMO…
Ends up in the Heart Institute…
And the neuro team finally has to declare her death…

Half the hospital meets her.
Half the hospital cares for her, works for her, roots for her—
…and cries for her when she’s gone.

Personal Loss Meets Professional Pressure

Bre wasn’t just a patient. Kristen and I first loved her when she was in our fourth-grade Sunday school class.

I officiated her funeral.
I stood at her graveside.
I recited Psalm 56:8 as we cast flowers onto her casket:

“You, O Lord, keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Grief does something strange when a young, healthy friend dies suddenly… and leaves behind a husband and a newborn.
It turns your heart inside out.

When Grief and Burnout Collide

In my decade in healthcare leadership, I stood by the bedsides of hundreds of patients, and I saw more than 15,000 deaths across our hospital system.

But this day broke me.

And here’s the truth I wish more healthcare leaders would talk about:

Burnout isn’t just about workload or leadership gaps or organizational culture.
Sometimes, it’s also about the emotional weight of healthcare—the grief, the trauma, and the relentless exposure to life-and-death moments.

For me, Bre’s death didn’t just break my heart.
It pushed me further down the road to burnout.

Why This Matters for Healthcare Professionals

If you’ve been there, you know:

• Witnessing patient deaths takes a toll.

• Supporting families through tragedy takes a toll.

• Carrying grief into your next shift takes a toll.

This is why conversations about burnout in healthcare can’t just be about schedules, budgets, or policies. They have to include grief, compassion fatigue, and the human cost of this work.

I’m still sad.
I’m still angry that she died.
And yes, that day left a permanent mark on me—one I carry into every keynote, every coaching conversation, every moment I talk about healing from burnout.

Because until we acknowledge the emotional weight healthcare workers carry, we’re missing half the story.

If You’re Carrying Grief and Burnout

If you’ve ever lost a patient, a coworker, or a friend in the workplace… please know this:

• You are not alone.

• Your grief is valid.

• Burnout isn’t a personal failure—it’s a natural response to impossible demands and impossible losses.

Your story matters. And healing is possible.

What to Do When Your Manager Doesn’t Understand Burnout

If you’ve ever thought:
"Why can’t my leader just get it?"
You’re not alone.

Since my very first presentation on burnout, this is one of the most common questions I hear from healthcare professionals, educators, and corporate teams alike.

What people really mean is:
"How do I make my leader understand how burnout is impacting us?"

The truth? There’s no single, satisfying answer. But there is a framework that helps. Not all leaders are the same, and your approach should match the type of leader you have.

The Four Types of Leaders (and What to Do With Each One)

I’ve seen these patterns play out repeatedly when coaching leaders and teams on burnout prevention and recovery. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Responsible ✅ and Responsive ✅ — The Engaged Leader

This leader gets the work done and listens to their people.

• Payroll is accurate and on time.

• Feedback is welcomed.

• Conversations are open and solutions-focused.

How to work with them:
Book a meeting and propose changes. They’re likely to hear you and help if they can. These leaders are the most effective partners when tackling burnout.

2. Irresponsible ⛔ but Responsive ✅ — The Well-Meaning Wild Card

This leader cares deeply but struggles with consistency.

• They’ll fight for you and advocate for your needs.

• But they might “forget” to approve payroll until Friday night.

• Or they’ll promise change… but lose track of the follow-through.

How to work with them:
Speak up and ask for what you need. And expect to repeat yourself next time. Their heart’s in the right place, but you’ll need patience and persistence.

3. Responsible ✅ but Unresponsive ⛔ — The Policy Keeper

This leader is by-the-book and values rules, policies, and processes above all.

• Payroll’s on time.

• Performance appraisals are done.

• Compliance? Perfect.

• But empathy and deep conversations? Not on the agenda.

How to work with them:
If you’re experiencing burnout, don’t expect emotional support here. Instead, lean on existing systems like:

• Employee Assistance Programs (EAP)

• FMLA leave

• Wellbeing initiatives

👋 Boomers, we might be looking at you here. No shade intended! 😆 Many exceptions exist, but this pattern comes up a lot in my coaching conversations.

4. Irresponsible ⛔ and Unresponsive ⛔ — The Brick Wall

This is the toughest leadership style when it comes to burnout.

• Policies aren’t signed.

• Reimbursements go missing.

• Requests are ignored.

• And when you bring it up? Crickets.

How to work with them:
You have limited energy. Don’t waste it here.

• Focus on supportive peers.

• Find allies in other departments.

• Explore whether another team — or even another organization — might be healthier for you long-term.

The Hard Truth About Burnout and Leadership

Your approach must change depending on who you’re dealing with.

I’m grateful that I had several “Category 1” leaders during my time in healthcare. But I’ll admit something hard: during my own season of burnout, I wasn’t always the responsible, responsive leader I wanted to be.

I had to own it. I apologized to my team. And I started doing the work to recover.

If you’re trying to make your leader “get it,” remember this:

• Not every leader will understand burnout in the same way.

• You can’t control their response — but you can control your approach.

Your Turn

Which of these four categories have you worked under the most?
What helped — or didn’t — when you tried to make your leader “get it”?

My Burnout Story: How a Crash Cart, a Smartwatch, and a Second Chance Changed Everything

Today is my birthday. But three years ago on this same day, I wasn’t celebrating—I was lying on a gurney in the ER at my own hospital.

After months of extreme stress and burnout, my body finally sounded the alarm—literally. My smartwatch buzzed with a message I’ll never forget:

“You may be experiencing atrial fibrillation.”

My overloaded nervous system had pushed my heart out of rhythm. It was my body’s way of saying, “We can’t keep living like this.”

The Day Everything Changed

As I lay in the exam room, fully awake, I watched the crash cart charge to 255 joules.

“Clear… Clear.”

Then came the shock.

The sound reminded me of something strange—a moment years earlier when a 50-foot tree in our yard had to be cut down. After trimming the branches, the trimmer sliced off the top 12 feet of the trunk. It flipped upside down and slammed into the ground with a deep, quaking thud.

When the paddles shocked my heart back into rhythm, I heard that same thud inside my chest.

My “Avengers” Moment

There’s a line in Avengers: Endgame when the Sorcerer Supreme knocks Bruce Banner out of his Hulk body and calmly says:

“Let’s start again, shall we?”

That’s what the crash cart felt like—my Sorcerer Supreme moment. My chance to start again.

Finding My Voice

Six months later, I delivered my very first healthcare burnout presentation at a conference in Toledo, Ohio. I stood in front of leaders, caregivers, and exhausted professionals and told the truth.

I shared what burnout really feels like:

“It’s like being trapped in a room that’s on fire, and no one else can smell the smoke.”

I talked about the toll it takes on our bodies, our relationships, and our sense of purpose. I spoke about what leaders must do to help their teams. And I admitted my own failures, fears, and missteps.

From Patient to Speaker

Since leaving my role in healthcare, I’ve spoken to thousands of people about burnout—especially healthcare burnout.

I’ve shared hope, relief, and direction with teams, leaders, and organizations across the country. I’ve seen exhausted nurses breathe easier, overwhelmed executives take action, and burned-out employees realize they’re not broken—they’re human.

This video tells more of my story. ⬇️

You’re Not Alone

If you’re feeling burned out, you’re in good company. Surveys show that more than half of all workers—and even more in healthcare—are experiencing some level of burnout.

And if you’re a leader wondering how to protect your team, I’m glad you’re here. Your role matters more than you know.

If I can help—through speaking, coaching, or resources—send me a message today.

You deserve a chance to start again, too.

At the End, We Look for Those We Love

When I arrived at the Walgreens near my house a few weeks ago, their computers were down.

"Just so you know, our systems are down, so we can't sell anything right now," the young woman at the cash register announced when I walked in.

"Ohhh, that's a problem for me," I replied, more concerned than annoyed.

I stepped over to the photo desk, where I was told the same news.

"That's a problem because I am here to pick up just one photo. And I am taking it to a friend who is on hopsice. I am not sure how much longer he has."

"What's the name?" The manager asked, as he continued poking at the uncooperative computer screen.

"Riecke, it'll be under my wife's name, Kristen Riecke."

"Here you go, you can just have it, then." He held the envelope across the counter, even though I had made no payment.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me," I replied.

I visited my friend and gave him the photo in a frame.

The photo was taken at his ordination service, in our hospital chapel, with his family and colleagues looking on.

The photo included our hospital president and CEO from Parkview Health, Mike--whom we all loved--another beloved colleague, Jon Swanson, me and a few others.

But, who caught this friend's eye as he looked at the picture of this precious moment in his life?

"Look honey, there's [our son]. And [our daughter]," he said as he pointed out his children, not the CEO, me (his former leader) or our other colleague.

It reminded me that, even if we become friends with the most powerful person at our large health system, and even if that person is truly amazing and supportive, at the end... we look for those we love.

Those who are closest--family and friends.

My former colleague put the framed photo next to his chair, and looked at it with love.

On my way back home, I stopped again at the Walgreens store.

The young woman said, "Back again?"

"Yes," I replied, "I need to say thank you."

With the photo envelope in hand, I offered to pay for the photo, now that their computers were working normally.

"No need, I already cleared it out," said the manager, still at the photo booth.

"Well, I need you to know what that meant to me, and to my friend..."

So, I told him the story.

We smiled the way that sad people smile when something truly good happens.

Over the weekend, I heard that the friend I visited had died.

I will miss him, his kindness, and his presence.

And I am all the more thankful for that small act of kindness from a manager at Walgreens that day.

#kindness

Burnout Lives in the Body: A Doctor’s Perspective on Nervous-System Recovery

Guest post By Dr. Antti Rintanen, MD, founder of The Internet Doctor

Burnout isn’t just a mindset. It’s not just feeling tired, disillusioned, or unmotivated. Burnout settles deep into the body—it reshapes posture, disrupts sleep, dysregulates the nervous system, and alters how we breathe, move, and process the world around us. If we want to truly recover from burnout, we have to stop treating it like a purely mental or emotional issue. It’s physical. Tangible. And it leaves a biological footprint.

As a doctor, I see this all the time. Patients describe burnout as “exhaustion” or “brain fog,” but their bodies often tell a clearer story. Shoulders pulled up and forward. Shallow breathing. A jaw held tight. These aren’t just habits—they’re signs of a nervous system stuck in a prolonged state of overdrive. The good news? That state can shift, and healing begins not with willpower, but with safety, breath, and reconnection to the body.

Chronic Stress Changes Your Physiology

Burnout develops over time when chronic stress overwhelms the body’s ability to recover. The sympathetic nervous system—the “fight or flight” branch—was designed to activate briefly in response to danger. But in burnout, it stays active far too long. Email overload, unrealistic deadlines, caregiving strain, or leadership pressures might not look like emergencies, but the body often interprets them that way.

When stress becomes unrelenting, the autonomic nervous system gets locked in survival mode. Cortisol levels spike. Muscles stay tense. Blood pressure remains elevated. Sleep becomes shallow. This is more than mental fatigue—it’s a full-body alarm state.

Over time, the nervous system loses its flexibility. Small stressors feel overwhelming. Joyful activities no longer bring pleasure. The body’s capacity to bounce back shrinks, and burnout becomes not just a psychological pattern but a neurological one.

The Body as Messenger—and Ally

Burnout has a physical posture. The upper body collapses inward. Breathing shifts from the diaphragm to the chest. Movement becomes either frantic or frozen. Many of these changes are unconscious—and they perpetuate the cycle of exhaustion. Shallow breathing sends danger signals to the brain. Collapsed posture compresses the lungs. And muscle tension restricts circulation and recovery.

But this also opens the door to recovery. If the nervous system can be trapped by patterns of stress, it can also be retrained through patterns of safety.

One of the most reliable ways to do this is through breath. Slow, controlled exhalations stimulate the vagus nerve—a key player in parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) activation. Something as simple as extending the exhale can signal to the brain that it’s safe to relax. In fact, studies show that slow breathing can improve heart rate variability and reduce anxiety symptoms by shifting autonomic balance in favor of parasympathetic tone¹.

Movement also matters. Gentle physical activity—especially practices like walking, stretching, or yoga—can help recalibrate the nervous system. Unlike high-intensity exercise, which sometimes mimics stress, slow and intentional movement helps the body feel grounded. It strengthens the body’s internal signals of stability and control. Postural improvements, too, feed back into this loop: upright alignment has been associated with improved energy, mood, and even cognitive function².

Burnout Is Not Just in the Mind—It’s in the Fascia, Too

Emerging research into fascia, the connective tissue that surrounds muscles and organs, offers further insight. Fascia is sensitive to emotional and physical stress, and when the body is chronically tense, fascia can become stiff or dehydrated. This leads to limited mobility, pain, and a sense of being “stuck”—both physically and emotionally. Burnout, in this view, isn’t just a matter of willpower depletion but of whole-body restriction.

Manual therapies like massage or myofascial release, as well as practices like tai chi or somatic movement, may offer more than comfort—they help unwind the physical residue of stress. While more research is needed, studies show that body-based interventions often outperform cognitive ones in reducing the physiological load of stress³.

And this matters. Because people experiencing burnout often report that traditional stress management advice—“just take a break” or “think positively”—feels hollow. That’s not because they’re unwilling to recover. It’s because their physiology isn’t being addressed. Recovery becomes possible when the body starts to feel safe again, when it is supported, not just urged to keep pushing through.

The Healing Power of Regulation, Not Escape

Too often, we treat burnout like a vacation deficit. But while rest is important, it’s not enough to lie down and hope the stress goes away. Recovery requires nervous system regulation. That means helping the body find its way back to balance, again and again.

Breathwork, physical alignment, slow movement, and even humming or gentle vocalization all stimulate the vagus nerve and promote nervous system recalibration⁴. These aren’t spiritual platitudes or productivity hacks. They are neurobiological tools—simple, repeatable actions that help restore internal safety.

Sleep is another major piece of this recovery. Burnout often disrupts sleep by keeping the body on high alert, even at night. Addressing nervous system tone during the day—through breath, light exposure, and sensory grounding—can improve both the ability to fall asleep and the depth of rest. Without this, sleep becomes light and unrestorative, further deepening the burnout spiral.

Even micro-movements during the day—like short walking breaks—can improve insulin sensitivity, blood pressure, and mental focus. A 2016 study showed that just three minutes of light activity every 30 minutes significantly reduced glucose and insulin levels in adults with Type 2 diabetes⁵. That’s the power of consistent, body-based recovery: small inputs, big effects.

Posture, Perception, and Hope

When you’re burned out, your body can start to feel like the enemy—a source of pain, exhaustion, and limitation. But what if it’s simply a messenger? What if the racing thoughts, the muscle tension, and the clenched jaw aren’t signs of weakness—but signs that your system has been running too hard for too long?

In my clinical experience, recovery begins not with changing your entire life—but with learning to listen to your body again. To soften the shoulders. To slow the breath. To notice that your heart is racing before you’ve even opened your inbox. And to honor that signal—not by powering through, but by pausing.

Burnout recovery isn’t quick. And it’s rarely linear. But when the body is supported, the mind begins to follow. And when nervous system flexibility returns, so does hope.

Final Thoughts

Burnout isn’t just something we think our way into—and we can’t think our way out of it, either. It lives in the nervous system, the muscles, and the breath. But that also means we can reach it through the body. Through micro-adjustments that restore safety, resilience, and calm.

This isn’t weakness. It’s biology. And the path forward is not about doing more—but about doing less, with more intention.

Because recovery doesn’t mean getting back to who you were. It means coming home to a body that finally feels safe again.

About the Author

Dr. Antti Rintanen is a medical doctor and founder of The Internet Doctor, a platform dedicated to translating complex health science into clear, actionable guidance. With a background in both medicine and systems thinking, Dr. Rintanen focuses on the intersection of physical and emotional health—particularly how stress, posture, and nervous system regulation affect recovery and resilience.

References

1. Noble DJ, Hochman S. Hypothesis: Pulmonary Afferent Activity Patterns During Slow Deep Breathing Contribute to the Neural Induction of Physiological Relaxation. Front Physiol. 2019;10:1176. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/

1. Peper E, Lin I-M, Harvey R, Perez J. How posture affects memory recall and mood. Biofeedback. 2017;45(2):36–41. https://www.researchgate.net/

1. Mehling WE, Wrubel J, Daubenmier JJ, et al. Body awareness: a phenomenological inquiry into the common ground of mind-body therapies. Philos Ethics Humanit Med. 2011;6:6. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/

1. Porges SW. The polyvagal theory: New insights into adaptive reactions of the autonomic nervous system. Cleve Clin J Med. 2009;76(Suppl 2):S86–S90. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/
   
   

2. Dempsey PC, Larsen RN, Sethi P, et al. Benefits for Type 2 Diabetes of Interrupting Prolonged Sitting With Brief Bouts of Light Walking or Simple Resistance Activities. Diabetes Care. 2016;39(6):964–972. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/